Um, HELP! Mental illness rollercoaster crisis?

OK I asked this a few days ago and got nothing back, thanks for that, so I'm trying again, PLEASE respond to this!



Ok, so it's been one helluva mental illness rollercoaster for me just searching for a diagnosis more than anything, I got an online diagnosis of BPD, and then my psychiatrist ruled it out, saying she had no diagnosis for me... helpful... NOT! Although I'm quite convinced I have at least one personality disorder, if not PD NOS... read on...



Cliffnotes version: I have an overwhelming consumption of insecurities, that stop me living my normal life, because not a second goes by where I don't think about what other people think of me - it's a neverending loop in that because I'm so insecure, I try too hard, and say stupid things, or the wrong thing, or not enough, and subsequently am judged by my peers - causing me to feel more insecure.



I also have an incredibly consuming desperation for certain "Guardian Angels" which I come across in life to love me and comfort me, empathise, worry about me, care about me, and have deep meaningful conversations with me - these GAs (Guardian Angels) I tend to find in the form of sometimes a teacher, youth leader, mentor, big sister or mother figure, but never anyone too closely linked with my own family - I then go to every extreme imagineable to achieve these desires of being loved and comforted by these GAs, which have led to anorexia, self-harm, alcoholism, and most prominently, I got myself raped at the age of 14 (I'm 20 now), in order to achieve my goals with these GAs - got your attention yet?



I have wierd bondage and abuse related sexual fantasies, and have done from a significantly young age, however sex itself is never a pleasurable experience for me, in fact I have now developed an overwhelming fear of sex, which has caused me to react extensively to the slightest touch by men...



I have a pointless relationship with my family - I know my parents love me, but I do not love them, I don't know why, but I never have, they've never done anything wrong as far as I remember - but I just don't care about them at all, and have a recurring fear of them ever getting involved in my life. On top of this, I absolutely hate my dad, I feel uncomfortable whenever he is in the same room as me and am repulsed or aggrivated by his every move, again, I don't know why, but have always felt this way.



On top of this, I am extremely Food Neophobic, diagnosed by paediatricians, and have attempted to overcome this continuously throughout my childhood, I think everyone just assumed I would grow out of it, but here I am, 20 years old, and I still only eat 4 different foods (margerita pizza, cheese sanwiches, cheeseburgers and chocolate) - this combined with my anorexia and addiction to cider, (On an average week I am currently drinking more cider than I am eating food) I am increasingly concerned for my health and well-being, and nobody seems to have the slightest clue what is wrong with me.



I have been on Citalopram which had absolutely no affect, and then Sertraline which again may as well be tic-tacs, and amitryptoline to help me with my insomnia which does in fact work - I have been in and out of counselling 4 times, all of which recommended I see a psychiatrist, it took me 4 months to convince my doctor to refer me to a psychiatrist, finally got there, only to hear that she will be of no help to me, is unable to diagnose me, and will refer me to psychotherapy, this is 3 months later, and I'm still waiting.



So what's my question? What the hell is wrong with me? What might be possible causes for whatever is wrong with me? Is the food neophobia related to all of this or a seperate condition, and if seperate, what caused it? And What the hell am I supposed to do? It's not like I'm not trying to get the appropriate help!



Also, I urge you not to focus too much on the rape or the eating problems as they are not the bigger problems here, the reasons behind them areUm, HELP! Mental illness rollercoaster crisis?
I would begin with trying to fix the problems that you can directly control--for instance your eating habits. The brain needs adequate nutrition to function properly, and quite frankly, cider is not going to cut it. Try to break yourself off from the poor eating habits. Trying finding healthier alternatives for the things that you like to eat. Even if you don't like other types of food, just keep reminding yourself that eating healthier is the only way to improve your overall health. Eating something you don't like is a small price to pay for good health.

You're obviously concerned about physical appearance since you mentioned anorexia. Instead of starving yourself to lose weight, why not eat a balanced diet and then exercise to make your body the way you want it. Exercise, particularly cardiovascular exercise (ie treadmill), has been proven to dramatically improve mood and release tension. This could also help you to sleep better at night and to feel more rested and relaxed during the day.



As for the problems with your family and sex, I don't know. But they can only get better if you try to follow the advice above.Um, HELP! Mental illness rollercoaster crisis?
Generalized Anxiety Disorder, take everything slow and work out each problem one at a time.Um, HELP! Mental illness rollercoaster crisis?
Watch this video about alternative view of the bipolar label. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mJVZ03P6鈥?/a>



I am so happy to hear your doctor wouldn't give you a label. Maybe there is nothing wrong with you. Don't be so eager to get a label. Once you get one most doctors for the rest of your life will put you in a box. Finding that label that explains everything, you know it doesn't really work that way. Maybe pills don't just make the parts of life that are difficult just go away. My experience is the pills dull your reality. I have been though a lot of therapy. Adult Molested as a Child. AMAC. Find someone you can really trust to support you. counselor, friend.............I too have lots of trouble sleeping. It's like my body doesn't want to sleep on the same schedule as people are :supposed to." I only take sleep medication to sleep if i am really tired or I have to get up early for something. Otherwise I just go with it. Check out these sites.



indigochild.com

bipolarorwakingup.com

newlightbeings.com